Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Helping Your Family Cope When a Pet Dies

I realize that this can be a tough subject for many people but it is important to talk about.

Most of us have family pets and most of us view them as a member of the family, also the
death of a pet is often the first encounter most children have with death. I hope this post will help

A pet is often a member of the family. In fact, surveys show some interesting facts about pet owners: 84% consider their animals family members; 99% talk to their pets and 54% celebrate their pet's birthday.

The term "man's best friend" brings to mind the unconditional love, constant companionship and acceptance we feel for our pets. And why not? Your pet can take you for a walk, listen when you need someone to talk to or even guard your house. A pet can also lower your blood pressure, change your heart rate or alleviate feelings of chronic loneliness.

With your capacity to love your pet comes the necessity to grieve when that "best friend" dies. The death of a pet is, without a doubt, a traumatic experience. This article is intended to help you and your family acknowledge the need to grieve at this time and to do so in a healthy way.

A Pet's Death is Significant

No, it's not "just a dog" or "just a cat." The animal is a family member. With the death of that pet, the family experiences a significant loss. A difficult problem, however, is that society often denies you the need to grieve for your pet. You may even be chastised for openly and honestly expressing your feelings. As a result, your grief may be hidden, buried or ignored. Although denied understanding and support, your family needs to grieve the death of your pet. Grieving means to express your feelings, no matter how painful, outside of yourselves.

Clichés Don't Help You Heal

Your family will probably be greeted with many clichés when your pet dies. Clichés are trite comments intended to diminish the loss by providing simple solutions to difficult realities. Comments like, "It was just a dog," or "You can always get another one," or "Be glad you don't have to take care of him anymore" are not constructive. Instead they hurt and make your family's journey through grief more difficult.

Memories are the Best Legacies

Memories are one of the best legacies after the death of a pet. Talk about and embrace these memories. Your pet entertained, comforted, frustrated but always loved you. Remember those times. If your memories bring laughter, smile. If they bring sadness, cry. Remember, though, memories made in love can never be taken away.

Your Emotions Will Vary

When your pet dies, you will probably experience a variety of emotions: confusion, disorganization, sadness, explosive emotions or guilt. Don't repress these feelings and ignore anyone who tells you that you should. Don't over-analyze your response. Just allow your feelings to find expression. As strange as some of these feelings may seem, they are normal and healthy.

Each family member probably had a unique relationship with the pet. Allow for different emotional responses within the family, and be careful to respect each person's need to grieve in his or her own way.

Should You Choose Euthanasia?

When you love your pet, no question is more difficult than whether or not to euthanize. Yet this difficult choice is often the right one, particularly if your pet is in agonizing pain or the quality of life has deteriorated. Sometimes the cost of the treatment for a particular disease has also become prohibitive.

Talk to your veterinarian about euthanasia. Fortunately, humane procedures can end needless suffering for both you and your pet. The intravenous drug used for euthanasia does not cause pain. After visiting with your vet, make your decision based on your own good judgment. If you have always treated your pet with gentleness and love, you will probably make a wise choice based upon the reality of the situation. Some owners want to be present when their pets are euthanized. Some do not. Whichever choice you make, you may still want to spend some special time saying "goodbye" to your pet.

Rituals Can be Helpful

Allowing and encouraging your family to have a funeral for the pet that has died can be helpful. It provides a time to acknowledge the loss, share memories of the pet and create a focus for the family to openly express emotions. While some friends or even family members may think having a funeral for your pet is foolish, don't let them take this special time away. Design a ritual that best meets your needs as you gather to pay tribute to a pet who was and always will be loved.

Children Need to be Involved

The death of a pet is often the first opportunity parents have to help children during times of grief. Unfortunately, parents often don't want to talk about the death assuming that by doing so the children will be spared some of the pain and sadness.

Children, however, are entitled to grieve for their pets. Any child old enough to love is old enough to grieve. And many children love their pets with all their hearts. As an adult, if you are open, honest and loving, experiencing the death of a pet can be a chance for children to learn about both the joy- and the pain- that comes from caring deeply for pets or for people.

You may not experience the same depth of loss as your children when a family pet dies. You must still respect their grief and allow them to express it without feeling abandoned. Your response during this time can make the difference whether children's first exposure to death will be a positive or a negative part of their personal growth and development.

Older Adults have Special Needs

For older adults, the relationship with a pet is often the most meaningful relationship they have in their lives. The death of the pet can have a significant impact, particularly if the older adult is isolated from human contact. Under these circumstances, the pet becomes a "very best friend."

When the pet dies, the experience may trigger old griefs from losses encountered throughout life. It is imperative that family and friends are sensitive to the older adults needs during this time. Respond with warmth and understanding and let them "teach you" about the special relationship with their beloved pet.

Premature Replacement Can Cause Problems

The temptation after the death of a pet may be to run out and get another one right away. In fact, you are often encouraged to do so by family and friends. Although it may sound like a good idea, you should be careful about premature replacement. You need time to grieve and to heal when your pet dies. A new pet demands your energy and attention which at some point you may be ready and willing to give. Right now, however, you should first attend to your grief.

Be especially careful about premature replacement of pets with children. It sends a message to a child that says when something is lost all that you have to do is buy another one. In reality, that is often not the case. It also devalues the significance of the pet that just died. While there is no specific timetable for when to get a new pet, when in doubt-wait. Allow for additional healing to occur. When the family is ready for a new pet, involve the children in the discussion and selection so they can feel a part of the decision.

Some Closing Thoughts About the Death of a Pet

Hopefully, this brochure has helped you understand why your family grieves so deeply when a beloved pet dies. Pets don't criticize or judge you. They just love and accept you unconditionally. When a pet dies, you and your family must accept the need to grieve. Even though others around you may attempt to minimize your grief, the hurt must be embraced to be lessened. Be patient and tolerant as you slowly move toward healing.

About the Author

Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt is a noted author, educator and practicing grief counselor. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado and presents dozens of grief-related workshops each year across North America. Among his books are Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas and The Healing Your Grieving Heart Journal for Teens. For more information, write or call The Center for Loss and Life Transition, 3735 Broken Bow Road, Fort Collins, Colorado 80526, (970) 226-6050 or visit their website, www.centerforloss.com.

Related Resources

The Mourner's Bill of Rights


I found this the other day and I would like to share it with everyone. It will really give you insight
into how to help those that are grieving.

Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain "rights" no one should try to take away from you.

The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.

No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don't allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.

2. You have the right to talk about your grief.

Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don't feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.

Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.

4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.

Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel ready to do.

5. You have the right to experience "griefbursts."

Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.

6. You have the right to make use of ritual.

The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen.

7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.

If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

8. You have the right to search for meaning.

You may find yourself asking, "Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, "It was God's will" or "Think of what you have to be thankful for" are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.

9. You have the right to treasure your memories.

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

Watts Cares with Twitter

Why a twitter account?

It wasn’t easy convincing every member of the Watts Family & Staff that there was an urgent need for a Twitter account – until our local daily newspaper announced a three day hiatus from their newsgathering to celebrate the New Year.

You might be surprised to learn of a series of early deadlines for the Palatka Daily News delivered to your door between December 30 and January 2nd. Thus a family needing to place an obituary in a newspaper before Saturday, January 2, will be out of luck after Thursday at noon.

Not a big deal right?

Would you want to have your loved one’s visitation without having an obituary run in the newspaper prior to the day of the event? If not – it will mean waiting until Tuesday, January 5th to host a visitation.

Here are the deadlines announced by the Palatka Daily News:

For an obituary to appear:

Thursday, the deadline is Wednesday at 3:00 (not unusual for a holiday)

Friday, the deadline is Thursday at 12PM

Tuesday, the deadline is Saturday at 12 PM

I learned long ago not to pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel, so rather than object to these deadlines, we’ve launched a free Twitter service known as

PUTNAMDEATHS

It can be accessed at:

http://twitter.com/putnamdeaths

If you don’t know much about Twitter – you are not alone – and this writer is among you.

We’ve launched this venture to ensure that anyone who wishes to have up to the minute obituary information will have access to it when they check Twitter, without artificial deadlines.

Here’s a tip: once you have pasted the above address into your screen, you can click the “follow” button to begin receiving notices whenever a death notice is posted. A link will be included in each update to allow readers the opportunity to connect to the complete obituary. (Remember, Twitter allows only 140 characters in a post, so a death notice, will look much like the death notices that we see in the local newspaper).

We’ll be glad to post death notices from other area funeral homes – free of charge – and link their death notices back to funeral home websites where complete obituary information can be found.

Newspapers are a lively and relevant source for local news. Obituaries are news, and are the not only the first read sections in newspapers, but also the most widely read.

It is our hope that this Twitter service will give proper consideration to those families who face a loss on and around the holidays.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Coping With Grief During The Holidays

I have a post on my blog about grief during the Hollidays.
I posted one last week about the same subject. I wanted to post
the one because it deals with more specific examples.

Although the holiday season characteristically fosters feelings of happiness and joy
among family and friends, the hustle and bustle of the holiday season can feel
overwhelming for those coping with the death of a loved one.

While it might seem that everyone else around you is in the festive spirit, it is
normal to feel increased anguish during the holidays, even if your loss is not
recent. However, there are things that you can do to ease your grief during this
time of year. I would like to offer the following suggestions to help you cope with the holiday season:

Nourish Your Mind and Body

It’s easy to overlook the physically draining effect the holidays can have on individuals, an
impact magnified for those who have experienced the death of a loved one.
To boost your energy level: Stay well hydrated and do not overindulge in alcohol; eat balanced,
nutritious meals; stay active and find an exercise program you enjoy; and get enough
sleep. Most importantly, listen to what your body is telling you. If you don’t feel well, take time to rest. If your fatigue persists, see your physician.

Pay Tribute to Your Loved One

There are many ways to honor and remember your loved one and even the simplest of acts can represent his or her importance in your life. Consider making a donation to a charity in your loved one’s name, volunteering at an organization that was significant to your loved one, or attending a holiday memorial service sponsored by a funeral home or faith community.

Maintain Balance
While it might feel tempting to avoid celebrating the holidays altogether, it is difficult to escape
the season entirely. Family celebrations will still go on, even if they will not be the same as they
once were. It’s important to acknowledge that things will be different. Don’t feel as if you need
to attend every gathering you’re invited to; however, even a small amount of time spent with family and friends can prove therapeutic. Just make sure to balance your social activities with solitude.

Express Your Grief; Maintain
a Positive Perspective It’s okay to let the tears flow. Crying will offer a release and is often quite healing. However, be sure to complement these feelings of sadness with positive thoughts.
Acknowledge the support you have received from family and friends in your time of grief. Remember the many happy holidays you spent with your loved one. Finally, remember that while the upcoming days and weeks might seem daunting, you willget through them.

For additional
grief resources please visit our website http://www.wattsfuneralhomes.com/
or call us at 386-328-1414

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season

My family realizes how difficult the Holidays can be. We wanted to give families in our
area some encouragement during the holiday season.

My friend Alan Wolfelt operates a grief support service called the Centers For Loss and Life Transition he was kind enough to supply me with a writing of his concerning Loss and the Holiday Season. I hope that everyone finds is helpful.



Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.


Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of someone loved. Rather than being times of family togetherness, sharing and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss and emptiness.


Love Does Not End With Death
Since love does not end with death, holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief-a feeling of loss unlike that experienced in the routine of daily living. Society encourages you to join in the holiday spirit, but all around you the sounds, sights and smells trigger memories of the one you love who has died.


No simple guidelines exist that will take away the hurt you are feeling. We hope, however, the following suggestions will help you better cope with your grief during this joyful, yet painful, time of the year. As you read through this article, remember that by being tolerant and compassionate with yourself, you will continue to heal.


Talk About Your Grief
During the holiday season, don't be afraid to express your feelings of grief. Ignoring your grief won't make the pain go away and talking about it openly often makes you feel better. Find caring friends and relatives who will listen-without judging you. They will help make you feel understood.


Be tolerant of Your Physical and Psychological Limits
Feelings of loss will probably leave you fatigued. Your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. And lower your own expectations about being at your peak during the holiday season.

Eliminate Unnecessary Stress
You may already feel stressed, so don't overextend yourself. Avoid isolating yourself, but be sure to recognize the need to have special time for yourself. Realize also that merely "keeping busy" won't distract you from your grief, but may actually increase stress and postpone the need to talk out thoughts and feelings related to your grief.


Be With Supportive, Comforting People
Identify those friends and relatives who understand that the holiday season can increase your sense of loss and who will allow you to talk openly about your feelings. Find those persons who encourage you to be yourself and accept your feelings-both happy and sad.



Talk About the Person Who Has Died
Include the person's name in your holiday conversation. If you are able to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your need to remember that special person who was an important part of your life.


Do What Is Right for You During the Holidays
Well-meaning friends and family often try to prescribe what is good for you during the holidays.

Instead of going along with their plans, focus on what you want to do. Discuss your wishes with a caring, trusted friend.


Talking about these wishes will help you clarify what it is you want to do during the holidays. As you become aware of your needs, share them with your friends and family.
Plan Ahead for Family Gatherings



Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin. Structure your holiday time. This will help you anticipate activities, rather than just reacting to whatever happens. Getting caught off guard can create feelings of panic, fear and anxiety during the time of the year when your feelings of grief are already heightened. As you make your plans, however, leave room to change them if you feel it is appropriate.


Embrace Your Treasure of Memories
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. And holidays always make you think about times past. Instead of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and friends. Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness. If your memories bring laughter, smile. If your memories bring sadness, then it's alright to cry. Memories that were made in love-no one can ever take them away from you.


Renew Your Resources for Living
Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life. The death of someone loved created opportunities for taking inventory of your life-past, present and future. The combination of a holiday and a loss naturally results in looking inward and assessing your individual situation. Make the best use of this time to define the positive things in life that surround you.



Express Your Faith
During the holidays, you may find a renewed sense of faith or discover a new set of beliefs. Associate with people who understand and respect your need to talk about these beliefs. If your faith is important, you may want to attend a holiday service or special religious ceremony. As you approach the holidays, remember: grief is both a necessity and a privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving love. Don't let anyone take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring people.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Tree Of Memories

It has been a tough year for many families in our community and several months ago my family decided we wanted to do something special for the families we served this year. We understand how important and special each life is and how each life deserves to be honored. To honor those lives we have place a Christmas Tree in our San Mateo Location called the Tree Of Memories. This memorial contains the names of over three hundred families we have served in 2009. My family and the entire Watts Funeral Home and Cremation Center staff are proud to be the only funeral care provider in our area to offer such a tribute to local families who have experienced a loss. The Tree Of Memories will be on display at our San Mateo location now through December 31, 2009. I encourage those who have experienced a loss this year to stop by and view the tree, we are open Monday through Friday 8:00am to 5:00 pm. If you would like to add a name to our Tree of Memories you may do so. The Tree of memories is open to everyone even if the Watts Family did not serve the family during the loss. Simply stop by the funeral home to receive a free angel ornament that you can personalize. The Watts Family counts it an honor that so many local families have placed their trust in our family their year, that trust is never taken for granted.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Cremation For Catholics?

Q: My family has always held the view that as Catholics, we cannot be cremated. I know that at one time, it (cremation) was considered taboo. What is the official church position on cremation for a Catholic?

A: The Catholic Church references cremation in the 1918 Code of Canon Law by stating "the Church permits cremation, provided that it does not demonstrate a denial of faith in the resurrection of the body." (#2301) Previously, the church held that earth burial in a tomb was Christlike, and that destruction of the body by cremation denied the resurrection of the dead and the immorality of the soul.

Catholics are now able to choose cremation "in case of necessity" according to a 1997 publication from the National Conference of Catholic Bishops titled "Reflections on the Body, Cremation and Catholic Funeral Rites", although "The Church earnestly recommends the pious custom of burial be retained; but it does not forbid cremation, unless this is chosen for reasons which are contrary to Christian teaching". (Code of Canon Law, # 1176, revised 1983)

When a family chooses cremation, the Church prefers that the body be present for a Funeral Mass, then cremated following committal rites. The church does permit, when not practically feasible for the body to be present, the cremated body "enclosed in a fitting container or worthy vessel" to be present at a Funeral Mass.

Why such concern for the body, one may ask? People of Catholic faith believe that care for the deceased emphasizes the dignity of the human body. Proper care of the body following death emphasizes the church held belief in personal resurrection. Following a Funeral Mass, and once cremation is completed, church preference is for the cremated remains to be buried in a grave or committed to a niche in a columbarium at a consecrated cemetery. Scattering cremated remains over private property or at sea, or retaining the cremated body in the home, is considered contrary to a reverent disposition of a body.

Local Parish Priests will gladly answer your individual questions regarding cremation.

My family has created a brochure concerning cremation and the Catholic faith. You can receive a free copy of this brochure by calling us at 386-328-1414 or request online at http://wattsfuneralhomes.com/_mgxroot/page_10777.php

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Honoring Those that serve!

I hope everyone enjoyed Veterans Day and I hope you all took a moment to honor those that have served our country and those that are still serving at home and abroad. I took a moment to pause and reflect on those who I personally know that have served, they include my grandfathers, uncles, and friends. If they are still living I encourage you to call them and say than you for what you did. I watching a movie this week called "Saving Private Ryan" while the story line itself is not true the circumstances surrounding the story are very real. The story is written around the Allies storming Omaha Beach. While the scenes are some what disturbing, it gives you a cold does of reality of those that have given their life to defend this country we love so much. In honor of all that that have served our family has created a video to honor them. You can view the video above, it is worth saying that this video is only a small way of saying thank you for what you do. I would like to leave you all with this, while today is veterans day don't just make today the only day you stop to say thank you to those that serve and have served. Do as I do when you are out in the community and come across someone in uniform or that you know has served or is serving, stop them and say thank you. After all those that have placed themselves in harms way to protect our freedom's don't just do it one day of the year, they do it twenty four seven three sixty five. We should always take the opportunity to say thank you. I would like to end by saying " Thank You To All Military Service Men And Women Who Have Served Our Country And Our Allies. It Is Because Of You That We Can Enjoy The Freedoms We Have And Can Live In The Greatest Country In The World.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Code Of Ethical Cremation Practices

In this blogg you will see our Cremation Code of Ethics. My family believes very strongly that our staff should be given a guide on how to care for the families we serve. We believe that the care of your loved one should never be left to the individual interpretation of our staff. I hope you will find this post helpful.

What We Believe...

In the practice of cremation, we believe: In dignity and respect in the care of the deceased, in compassion for the living who survive them, and in the memorialization of life.

We believe we are responsible for creating and maintaining an atmosphere of respect at all times; We believe that the greatest care should be taken in the appointment of crematory staff members, any of whom must not, by conduct or demeanor bring the crematory or cremation into disrepute.

We believe the care of the decease person and their family is of the highest priority in what we do.
And the everything will be done to treat the deceased family member with the same care and respect that we would show to a member of our own family.

We believe that cremation should be considered as preparation for memorialization; that the dead of our society should be memorialized through a commemorative means suitable to the survivors.

It is because of these beliefs We adhere to a strict Code of Ethical Cremation Conduct.


1. RESPECTFUL AND DIGNIFIED CREMATION At all times the process of cremation shall be carried out in a dignified and respectful manner.

2. PROTECTION OF THE DECEASED The deceased shall always be properly attired and protected in accordance with local tradition and recognized practices.

3. SEPARATE CREMATION - NO MIXING OF CREMAINS All cremations shall be carried out separately to ensure that there is no mixing of cremains.

4. CREMATION OF HUMAN REMAINS Only human remains shall be cremated at our crematorium.

5. RIGHT OF AN INDIVIDUAL TO DECIDE DISPOSAL OF CREMAINS Ultimately it should be an individuals right to determine the final method of the disposal of their cremains.

6. CREMATION TO BE THE ONLY OFFICIAL TERM The word "cremation" shall be the official word used to describe the disposal method practiced by our funeral home and cremated remains shall be the only word used to describe the particles that remain at the end of the cremation.

7. IDENTIFICATION OF THE DECEASED UNTIL THE FINAL CREMATION PROCESS Appropriate steps shall be taken to ensure proper identification of the deceased on arrival at the crematorium, through the cremation process until the final disposal of the cremains.

8. BAN ON THE COMMERCIALISATION OF PRODUCTS OR RESIDUE OF CREMATION The products or residue of a cremation shall not be used for any commercial purpose.

9. ALL MATERIALS USED IN CREMATION TO BE ENVIRONMENTALLY SOUND

10. CREMATION STAFF TO BE QUALIFIED AND COMPETENT All staff involved with cremation shall be competent in the tasks that they perform and must receive advanced training by the Cremation Association of North America

11. STAFF TAKING PART IN CREMATION TO BE SUBJECT TO THE CODE Staff associated in any way with the provision of the service of cremation shall at all times adhere to the Code of Ethics.

12. ALL PERSONS HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE CREMATION An individual shall have the right to choose cremation and due regard shall be given to such desire.

13. RESPONSIBLE EDUCATORS We believe as cremation experts and responsible educators we have a obligation to educate those choosing cremation on the cremation process and all options available to them.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

"What makes you the cremation expert?"

I received a question about why we are the cremation experts. I can understand that with all the inflated claims out their it can be hard to believe someone when they claim to be an expert. I can however assure you that our claims to be a cremation expert are well founded. Below is a post I had written a few months ago about why we are the preferred cremation provider in the area. It is not by chance we are so well trusted by the community.

My family has performed and overseen our own cremations for over 20 years. We where also the first funeral home in the county to install a crematory. We personally over see over twelve hundred cremations annually and remain the only funeral home in the area that operates two crematories. I hope that the answers below will help to put in perspective why we are so trusted.

Because of the superior level of care we give to your loved one and our personal accountability to you, we now served as a bench mark to others in cremation service. We are proud to set the bar so high and be the standard that others are judged by.

My family and our staff has created and adheres to a Cremation Code of Ethics. I am unaware of any cremation provider in our area besides us that has a cremation code of ethics. In the next blog post I will post our cremation code of ethics for everyone to read.

1. No Subcontractors or Brokers Involved. We are the oldest and most trusted cremations provider in the area, personally overseeing our own cremations for two decades. We own and operate our own, on-premise crematory facility. Even though all funeral home advertise “cremation services”, most people are shocked to learn that the important cremation process itself is subcontracted out to a third party who services multiple parties and operates their services from places like garages and industrial warehouses, often in other counties. We wish to emphasize that your family member is always under our direct care and never leaves our facilities.

2. Peace of Mind. We developed and adhere to a rigid 15 point pre-cremation checklist that requires independent verification by 2 professional cremationists Including one licensed member of the Watts Family. It takes more effort to ensure that the cremation is handled with the highest standards of care and dignity. However, we believe it is well worth it.

3. No Waiting. By owning our crematory and controlling the entire process, we guarantee that once all necessary approvals have been received, the cremation will take place within 36 hours.
If the cremation is not completed in the 36 hour time period, you don't owe us for the cremation fee. No other area cremation provider offers such a guarantee.

4. Final Goodbyes. All cremation services we offer from Simplicity Cremation TM to our Tribute of Memories Service TM includes a time for the family to say Goodbye. While most funeral homes will allow you to say Goodbye there are usually additional services and costs involved. We feel that you should never have to pay extra to say Goodby to your love one.

5. Highest Standards. We are members of the Cremation Association of North America which provides advanced certifications to our staff. We wish to emphasize our cremationist are trained by the Cremation Association of North America, even though Florida Law does not require training. Because of this many area crematory staff members are not licensed funeral care providers or have advanced training form the Cremation Association Of North America. We feel that this is not acceptable, when it comes to the care of your loved one. We are also members of the National Funeral Directors Association. This provides further assurances to you that we hold ourselves to the highest standards, and are committed to honesty, dignity, quality and value.

Friday, October 30, 2009

What!...Wal-Mart Is Selling Caskets?


The retail giant Wal-Mart debuted one of its more unusual product offerings last week, selling caskets on its web site. While selling casket over the Internet is not something new, it does tend to make news when a retail giant like Wal-Mart gets into the market. It is my intentions in this blog article to examine both the pros and cons in purchasing a casket from Wal-Mart.com or any other online provider.

Before I begin let me address one issue, I know what you’re going to say "Jamie you operate a funeral home so of course you’re going to be against it." Actually you would be wrong about that. I believe as a licensed funeral professional it is not my place to ridicule another funeral merchandise provider or to question the choices of families who purchase from them. It is my responsibility to educate families about their choices and then allow them to make their own decisions. Also because we don't place a high mark-up on our caskets we are already inline with internet casket providers, so I do not view them as a threat.

Let's first start with some of the Pros of purchasing a casket online. When a family loses a loved one, often the death is sudden and families can be caught off guard with no way to pay for a funeral. In-fact this is one of the reason that many families who have chosen burial in the past are now choosing cremation. Not only can families be caught off guard with a sudden death but given the state of our economy and the job market many families are barely able to pay there bills and feed their family, much less pay for a funeral that could easily exceed $8,000.00 to $10,000.00 dollars.

It is true that some funeral homes place an extremely high mark-up on caskets and because of this many families simply cannot afford to purchase the casket from the funeral home. Because some funeral homes have such a high mark-up on caskets it was only a matter of time before retailers like Wal-Mart and Costco began to offer such funeral related merchandise. The question now becomes, is their savings in purchasing a casket or urn from an internet store verses purchasing from a funeral home. The answer to this question really depends on the funeral home that you select. As I mentioned before we do not place a high markup on the caskets we sell, so our prices are basically inline with the internet provider. This is why it is so important for families to compare the prices of caskets at the funeral home they have selected along with the prices of the internet provider before they purchase online. Don't just assume that the internet is cheaper.

An additional pro to selecting a casket from an internet provider is selection. More and more families understand the value of creating a unique celebration of the life of their loved one. Part of that uniqueness can include the casket, if done properly. One big advantage that most internet providers have over funeral homes is the ability to show a large selection of caskets in various colors and styles. The Watts Family has been serving families for over 25 years and I can tell you that most families select a casket based on color and style (such as ornamentation on the handles.) I read in the press release that Wal-Mart plans to offer over 200 different selections in the future. The problem with most funeral homes is that they direct families to a selection room in their funeral home with 10 or 12 caskets to choose from and because their choices are so limited families tend to look else where for what they want. In-fact it is for this reason we eliminated our selection room completely and installed a Casket Kiosk. Our Casket Kiosk is a touch screen system that allows families to select from over 250 different caskets in various styles and colors. Not only can they browse the caskets offerings but most are completely customizable allowing you to select the ornamentation for the handles and custom embroidery for the interior of the casket, while allowing you to view your selection immediately. Also because we offer caskets in this way we don't hold caskets in inventory which allows us to keep our prices down. Note: That on the top right corner of this blog is an example of our Casket Kiosk system.

An additional pro to selection a casket over the internet is the ability of families to avoid entering a casket selection room. Caskets are very taboo items nearly everyone recognizes a casket when they see one and of course they associate it with death. What we have found is, families are already overwhelmed with the death and the last thing many of them wish to do is to walk into a room full of caskets. Often times when a family enters a casket selection room they go into a mind set call "projection". Meaning that every casket they look at they immediately projects their loved one laying in it. This experience is something many families simply cannot handle. This is one of the primary reasons my family chose to do away with the casket selection room and install the Casket Kiosk. Since we installed the Casket Kiosk over 3 years ago we have encountered many families who are relieved that they do not have to enter a casket selection room. The system is so popular that we are in the process of installing a version of it on our website wattsfuneralhomes.com

A finally pro to purchasing a casket online is privacy. Death is a very sensitive subject and many people wish to avoid the subject completely. Purchasing a casket on-line allows for the family to make a casket selection in the privacy and comfort of their own home. This is the primary reason we are in the process of installing a version of our Casket Kiosk on our website wattsfuneralhomes.com

Now that we have discussed some of the pros to purchasing a casket online let's discuss some of the cons. First let talk about price, can you really save a large sum from purchasing online. As I stated before it depends on the funeral home you select. If their cost is significantly higher the answer might be yes but if they are close to the cost of the internet the answer is probably no. Keep in mind when purchasing online your have to consider many factors beside just the cost. One example is sales tax, as you know purchases made online are tax exempt if the company is not located in the state where you live, However in the case of Wal-Mart they have stores in every state, so you would have to pay sales tax on the casket. In Florida for example caskets and other funeral related items are exempt from sales tax when purchased along with the funeral arrangements.

You also have to factor into the shipping cost of the casket. Let's take Wal-Mart for example their cost for shipping the casket is $100.00 if you figure in the cost for shipping and sales tax the $895.00 casket is now $1,048.70 which is actually higher than what we charge for a similar casket. Now let's take a moment to discuss shipping, Wal-Mart says the casket is guaranteed to arrive if 48 hours, but what happens if it doesn't. The caskets are shipped by FedEx road truck and I am sure that most people have experienced a package arriving later than if was promised. What happens when a family orders a casket online and then places an obituary in the news paper with the date and time of the service and the casket does not arrive on time? This could be very embarrassing to the family.

Because the casket is delivered by a third party shipper it brings me to my next point what happens when the casket arrives damaged. Every casket we receive from our casket supplier is delivered by the manufacture and is inspected by our staff prior to being received and signed for; I can tell you they have arrived damaged from time to time. What happens in this case is, we simply send the casket back and have the company replace it the same day and the family never knows about it. I am sure that we have all received a package that was damage and usually this is not a problem because you simply send the item back and have it replaced. The problem with a casket is how you replace the casket in time when the service is already scheduled.

A final Con to purchasing on-line concerns quality and liability. First let's discuss quality. I know this can be an odd topic to discuss when it comes to caskets but it is a factor. We all understand in other purchases that quality of an item is important. I am sure that most readers understand that for example, a car made by Mercedes-Benz and a car made by Saturn not only varies greatly in price but also in quality. I also believe that very few people would purchase a Saturn and expect it to be of the same quality as a Mercedes-Benz. Everyone understands that both cars serve the same purpose but that both cars are not created equally. The same can be said about caskets, the quality can very greatly from one manufacturer to another. Our casket supplier is Batesville Casket Company which is the largest casket manufacture in the United States. Batesville Caskets go through rigorous quality control test to be sure that they meet the highest standards. I can also tell you that in my experience all caskets are not created equal and that I have declined to do business with other manufactures beside Batesville because of the lack of quality with their caskets. It is interesting to note that Batesville Casket Company only sells caskets to Licensed Funeral Professionals and they are not selling to Wal-Mart or any other internet provider.

A final concern with internet casket providers is liability. As I have stated before all casket are not created equally and I have actually heard of caskets failing, some examples include the casket handles coming off or the entire bottom of the casket failing. Because we only do business with Batesville Casket Company and because of their high quality control standards I have never personally experienced a problem but problems do happen. Even though Batesville Casket Company has a high quality control standard, they still feel it necessary to provide five million dollars of liability protection on every casket they manufacture. An example of potential liability from a casket would be in the event that the casket handles failed and the casket fell on the feet of the Pall Bears and damaged their feet. The liability from such an event could be devastating an as unlikely as it might seem, it can happen.
In such an incident Batesville liability coverage would take affect. It is my understanding that the manufactures that online caskets stores use do not provide such protection. This could potently leave the family directly responsible for any liability that could occur. It is for the above reasons I encourage families to compare all the benefits of the casket they are considering, so they can be sure that they are getting the same benefits from the casket they are purchasing online verses what the could have purchased at their funeral home of choice.

In conclusion it has been my experience that most families save little by purchasing online. When you factor shipping and sales tax and include in that the time lost in trying to find a casket online and the anxiety it can cause from hoping the casket arrives on time and undamaged. While I an not saying that purchasing a casket online is something you should not consider, I do think that like any purchase made all the factors should be considered prior to making your finally selection.

If you would like more information on casket selection including what you should know before choosing a casket visit http://www.batesville.com/whatwedo/burialcaskets if you have any question concerning this or any blog posting please e-mail me at askthedirector@wattsfuneralhomes.com

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Funeral Etiquette in a Changing World

Q. I have in the past visited friends who have lost a family member and I
often feel uncomfortable in what I am suppose to do or how I am supposed to act?

A. First let me say your are not alone in feeling uncomfortable in being around families that have just lost someone. Even though common sense and good discretion are always the best guides to proper funeral etiquette,
a few principles still apply.



It is a common gesture for close friends of the bereaving family to visit the family's home to offer sympathy and assistance - this is sometimes referred to as a condolence visit. With the bereaving family having to ensure that all the arrangements are looked after, a close friend(s) may become very helpful with food preparation and childcare. The visit can take place any time within the first few weeks of death, and may be followed with one or more additional visits, depending on the circumstances and your relationship with the family.


In addition to expressing sympathy it is appropriate, if desired, to relate to family members your fond memories of the deceased. In some cases family members may simply want you to be a good listener to their expressions of grief or memories of the deceased. In most circumstances it is not appropriate to inquire as to the cause of death.


If you attend a wake you should approach the family and express your sympathy. As with the condolence visit it is appropriate to relate your memories of the deceased. If you were only acquainted with the deceased (and not the family) you should introduce yourself.


It is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased if the body is present and the casket is open. You may wish to say a silent prayer for, or meditate about, the deceased at this time. In some cases the family may escort you to the casket.


The length of your visit at the wake is a matter of discretion. After visiting with the family and viewing the deceased you can visit with others in attendance. Normally there is a register for visitors to sign.


As with other aspects of modern day society funeral dress codes have relaxed somewhat. Black dress is no longer required. Instead subdued or darker hues should be selected, the more conservative the better. After the funeral the family often receives invited visitors to their home for pleasant conversation and refreshments.


You can send flowers to the funeral home prior to the funeral, or to the family residence at any time. In some cases flowers may also be sent to Protestant churches. (Flowers generally are not sent to Jewish synagogues and Catholic churches.) Florists know what is appropriate to send in the funeral context.


Gifts in memory of the deceased are often made, particularly when the family has requested gifts in lieu of flowers. The family is notified of the gifts by personal note from the donor or through the donee, if the donee is a charity or other organization. In the latter case the donor provides the family's name and address to the charity at the time the gift is made.


Even if you don't make a gift, a note or card to the deceased's family expressing your thoughts of the deceased is a welcome gesture, especially if you weren't able to attend the funeral.




FUNERAL ETIQUETTE

The funeral is a ceremony of proven worth and value for those who mourn. It provides an opportunity for the survivors and others who share in the loss to express their love, respect, grief and appreciation for a life that has been lived. It permits facing openly and realistically the crisis the death presents. Through the funeral the bereaved take that first step toward emotional adjustment to their loss. This information has been prepared as a convenient reference for modern funeral practices and customs.



THE FUNERAL SERVICE

The family specifies the type of service conducted for the deceased. Funeral directors are trained to assist families in arranging whatever type of service they desire. The service held either at a place of worship or at the funeral home with the deceased present, varies in ritual according to denomination. The presence of friends at this time is an acknowledgement of friendship and support. It is helpful to friends and the community to have an obituary notice published announcing the death and type of service to be held.



PRIVATE SERVICE...

This service is by invitation only and may be held at a place of worship, a funeral home or a family home. Usually, selected relatives and a few close friends attend the funeral service. Often public visitation is held, condolences are sent, and the body is viewed.



MEMORIAL SERVICE...

A memorial service is a service without the body present and can vary in ceremony and procedures according to the community and religious affiliations. Some families prefer public visitations followed by a private or graveside service with a memorial service later at the church or funeral home.



PALLBEARERS...

Friends, relatives, church members or business associates may be asked to serve as pallbearers.

The funeral director will secure pallbearers if requested to do so by the family.



HONORARY PALLBEARERS...

When the deceased has been active in political, business, church or civic circles, it may be appropriate for the family to request close associates of the deceased to serve as honorary pallbearers. They do not actively carry the casket.



EULOGY...

A member of the family, clergy, a close personal friend or a business associate of the deceased, may give a eulogy. The eulogy is not to be lengthy, but should offer praise and commendation and reflect the life of the person who has died.



DRESS...

Wearing colorful clothing is no longer inappropriate for relatives and friends. Persons attending a funeral should be dressed in good taste so as to show dignity and respect for the family and the occasion.



FUNERAL PROCESSION / CORTEGE...

When the funeral ceremony and the burial are both held within the local area, friends and relatives might accompany the family to the cemetery. The procession is formed at the funeral home or place of worship. The funeral director can advise you of the traffic regulations and procedures to follow while driving in a funeral procession.



CONDOLENCES

The time of death is a very confusing time for family members. No matter what your means of

expressing your sympathy, it is important to clearly identify yourself to the family.



FLOWERS...

Sending a floral tribute is a very appropriate way of expressing sympathy to the family of the deceased. Flowers express a feeling of life and beauty and offer much comfort to the family. A floral tribute can either be sent to the funeral home or the residence. If sent to the residence, usually a planter or a small vase of flowers indicating a person's continued sympathy for the family is suggested. The florist places an identification card on the floral tribute. At the funeral home the cards are removed from the floral tributes and given to the family so they may acknowledge the tributes sent.



MASS CARDS...

Mass cards can be sent either by Catholic or non-Catholic friends. The offering of prayers is a valued expression of sympathy to a Catholic family. A card indicating that a Mass for the deceased has been arranged may be obtained from any Catholic parish. In some areas it is possible to obtain Mass cards at the funeral home. The Mass offering card or envelope is given to the family as an indication of understanding, faith and compassion. Make sure that your name and address is legible and that you list your postal code. This will make it easier for the family to acknowledge your gift.



MEMORIAL DONATIONS...

A memorial contribution, to a specific cause or charity, can be appreciated as flowers. A large number of memorial funds are available, however the family may have expressed a preference. Memorial donations provide financial support for various projects. If recognized as a charitable institution, some gifts may be deductible for tax purposes. Your funeral director is familiar with them and can explain each option, as well as furnish the donor with "In Memoriam" cards, which are given to the family.



SYMPATHY CARDS...

Sending a card of sympathy, even if you are only an acquaintance, is appropriate. It means so much to the family members to know they are in good thoughts. The card should be in good taste and in keeping with your relationship to the family of the deceased.



PERSONAL NOTE...

A personal note of sympathy is very meaningful. Express yourself openly and sincerely. An expression such as "I'm sorry to learn of your personal loss" is welcomed by the family and can be kept with other messages.



TELEPHONE CALL...

Speaking to a family member gives you an opportunity to offer your services and make them feel you really care. If they wish to discuss their recent loss, don't hesitate to talk to the person about the deceased. Be a good listener. Sending a telegram expressing your sympathy is also appropriate.



VISITATION...

Your presence at the visitation demonstrates that although someone has died, friends still remain. Your presence is an eloquent statement that you care. Visitation provides a time and place for friends to offer their expression of sorrow and sympathy, rather than awkwardly approaching the subject at the office, supermarket or social activities. The obituary/death notice will designate the hours of visitation when the family will be present and will also designate the times when special services such as lodge services or prayer services may be held. Persons may call at the funeral home at any time during suggested hours of the day or evening to pay respects, even though the family is not present. Friends and relatives are requested to sign the register book. A person's full name should be listed e.g. "Mrs. John Doe". If the person is a business associate, it is proper to list their affiliation, as the family may not be familiar with their relationship to the deceased. Friends should use their own judgment on how long they should remain at the funeral home or place of visitation. If they feel their presence is needed, they should offer to stay. When the funeral service is over, the survivors often feel very alone in dealing with their feelings. It is important that they know you are still there. Keep in touch.



SYMPATHY EXPRESSIONS...

When a person calls at the funeral home, clasping hands, an embrace, or a simple statement of condolence can express sympathy, such as:



"I'm sorry."

"My sympathy to you."

"It was good to know John."

"John was a fine person and a friend of mine. He will be missed."

"My sympathy to your mother."



The family member in return may say:

"Thanks for coming."

"John talked about you often."

"I didn't realize so many people cared."

"Come see me when you can."



Encourage the bereaved to express their feelings and thoughts, but don't overwhelm them.





ACKNOWLEDGMENTS...

The family should acknowledge the flowers and messages sent by relatives and friends. When food and personal services are donated, these thoughtful acts also should be acknowledged, as should the services of the pallbearers. The funeral director may have available printed acknowledgement cards that can be used by the family. When the sender is well known to the family, a short personal note should be written on the acknowledgment card expressing appreciation for a contribution or personal service received. The note can be short, such as:



"Thank you for the beautiful roses. The arrangement was lovely.

"The food you sent was so enjoyed by our family. Your kindness is deeply appreciated."



In some communities it is a practice to insert a public thank you in the newspaper.

The funeral director can assist you with this.



CHILDREN AT FUNERALS

At a very early age, children have an awareness of and a response to death. Children should be given the option to attend visitation and the funeral service. The funeral director can advise you on how to assist children at the time of a funeral and can provide you with additional information and literature.



GRIEF RECOVERY
It is healthy to recognize death and discuss it realistically with friends and relatives. When a person dies, there is grief that needs to be shared. Expressions of sympathy and the offering of yourself to help others following the funeral are welcomed. It is important that we share our grief with one another. We offer on our website a grief library on different grief topics visit our website http://www.wattsfuneralhomes.com/_mgxroot/page_10772.php

In addition to our grief library we can also assist you in locating a grief
counselor in you area who can assist you during your loss.

For more information visit our website www.wattsfuneralhomes.com

What Should I Do With The Cremated Remains

Q.“I have in my possession the ashes of both my mother, who died in 1996, and my father who died two years ago. It bothers me to have them in my home. What can I do with them and where should I keep them?”

A. Many people do not know how to deal with a loved one’s cremated remains that are in their possession. When a person dies and leaves instructions to be cremated, surviving loved ones often have unrealistic expectations placed upon them in maintaining the cremated remains. Some people put off making a final decision concerning their placement or are not presented with all of the options to make an informed decision.

While today’s reader makes reference to “ashes,” cremated remains are not really ashes; they are skeletal particles. The cremation process involves “processing” the skeletal framework after cremation, reducing the bones into small particles of consistent size. Processing renders the bones unidentifiable and gives them a granular appearance. Ashes are what you have in a fireplace, cremated remains – the cremated body – if you will – is quite different.

There are an unlimited number of ways you can care for the cremated body. Here are some ideas for you:

An urn can remain in your possession for as long as you like, however, in the event something happens to you, another person must be aware of the special contents and location of the urn. It is very important that an urn be labeled with the name of the decedent marked on the outside of the container. Why?

A few years ago, we received a call from a local sheriff’s department wanting to know why an urn with the funeral home’s contact information was recovered from a beach of a local lake. With the identification number from within the urn, we were able to trace the urn to the rightful owner – who confessed that she had honored the wishes of the person who died by placing the urn in a lake.

Unfortunately for the family involved, the annual draw down of water exposed the urn to children playing on the beach on a warm November day. Although no criminal charges were filed, the lack of planning – and seeking of permission from the appropriate authorities, created unnecessary anxiety for a bereaved family.

Learning from this experience we now suggest, to the families that we serve, delivery of an urn to a place of perpetual care. My first recommendation is always to consider a local cemetery. Although some people choose cremation to avoid “taking up” additional cemetery property, local cemeteries allow the burial of an urn on occupied graves. This means that a family can place an urn on top of cemetery space already occupied by their ancestors.

Sometimes engraving an additional name on an existing monument is permitted. Check with your cemetery of choice for specific details, as the practice, and price of placing cremated remains in a grave can vary widely between municipal, township and corporate cemeteries.

In some communities it is common practice for churches to have a columbarium – a collection of niches designed to permanently store cremated remains – available for purchase by congregants.

Cremated remains can be fashioned into an artistic piece. I have seen cremated remains mixed into concrete and then formed into a birdbath, a brick paver, and poured into the foundation for a memorial bench. If you know of an artist or a creative person, the remains can become a part of paperweights, vases, pottery, lamp bases or unique sculptures. You will most likely be able to find someone who can create a work of art that provides a fitting tribute to the memory of the loved one who died.

The Watts Family has available jewelry in the form of necklaces, bracelets and other keepsakes into which a part of the person’s cremated remains can be placed.
Although not yet available locally, progressive cemeteries have special sections of land devoted to memorializing only cremated remains, often referred to as a Nature or Cremation Garden. These areas are park-like and usually contain water features, walking paths and sitting areas. Ultimately community interest in such a concept will help local cemeterians plan for such a space. Please share your thoughts, positive or otherwise, with your local elected officials and cemetery caretaker.

Cremated remains can be memorialized in many ways at a cemetery or at home. Some ways include placing the remains in a large granite block on which a name, birth and death year can be engraved; spaces lining the edges of garden planting beds and pathways; placing the cremated remains beneath a favorite tree or flowering plant.

A word of caution – the skeletal cremated remains are almost pure calcium phosphate and calcium carbonate and are very alkaline in nature. You would do well to consult a local nursery expert in choosing a tree or planting that is alkali-tolerant. Hydrangea are popular selections – although the presence of cremated remains will yield pink blooms and turn acid friendly blue blooms into purple.

Cremated remains may also be scattered. However, caution should be exercised as scattering makes the remains unrecoverable. I am reminded of an instance when a husband along with his daughter were arranging for the cremation of their wife and mother. The husband wanted to scatter the remains. Hearing this, the daughter said to her father, “Please don’t scatter her. I want her in a place where I can talk to her, visit her and bring her a flower.”

In general, cremated remains can be scattered anywhere on private property. It is best to obtain the written permission of the landowner to avoid any misunderstanding in the future.

The Florida division of Parks and Recreation advise that dumping or disposal of any foreign substances in Florida parks is prohibited. However, they advise that some scattering of cremated remains have been permitted as an accommodation to a family. You or your funeral director should contact the manager of the park to seek special permission for a scattering. In any instance when transporting cremated remains, it is wise to travel with the burial-transit permit issued by the local registrar to the funeral director – as well as the authorization to scatter cremated remains – which can be found on any cremation authorization form.

Jamie Watts
www.simplecremation.com

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Thanks for your questions!

Well it has been about a week since I started Ask The Director
and I have to say I am very excited. Questions have been pouring
into me all week and many of them are very good questions that
I am sure my readers will like to hear answered.

First, let me say please keep the questions coming I am enjoying
reading them and answering them. Please be patient with me in
answering all of your question. I have about twenty five to
respond to and it will take me a week or so to get to everyone.
I hope everyone is enjoying the blog. I will talk to all of you soon.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Online Condolences & How to Ensure that Your Words of Comfort are Delivered

Betty A. From Palatka

Q: I recently left condolences online for a friend. Is there any way to ensure that my message got read by his family?



A: The answer to that question depends upon whether you left your condolence on a newspaper related site, or if you left your condolence on the funeral home’s website.


Since 2004 our funeral home website has hosted obituary information that allows those who are online to leave memories and share messages for surviving family members.

We understand that many people still do not have Internet access or even a
computer.We have setup a kiosk at our funeral home in San Mateo that will
allow those who do not have a computer to stop by our funeral home and
leave a condolence online.

Knowing that some families we serve do not have easy access to the Internet, we print and deliver a copy of the online condolences to the surviving family members about one week after funeral services have concluded.


We wait that week knowing that many people who are out of town when an obituary is published, take advantage of the online condolences to share memories and tributes.


Once the different messages are put together, they are printed on paper that is specially designed to fit into the custom guest registry that a family selects during their funeral arrangement conference.


In addition to the printed copy for families, we renew a hosting agreement annually to ensure the long term access to obituary and tribute archives.


Even if a family declines to have an obituary published in a daily newspaper, we can still take the time to publish the obituary and tribute on the funeral home’s website.


Contrast this service with Legacy.com, the world’s largest obituary hosting corporation. The business strategy is to partner with local newspapers by hosting obituaries from the newspaper online for a limited time (usually 30 days) for a small fee (this fee is usually built into the cost billed by the newspaper for the obituary).


Unfortunately, the obituary on Legacy.com is not up indefinitely, and condolences are deleted after 30 days, unless someone from the family pays almost $40 to maintain the memorial site for an additional year, or $90 for a perpetual site.


It is quite possible, unless a family is checking and individually printing the messages of condolences on the Legacy.com site, that they are being overlooked.


My advice to those who leave electronic messages of condolence, is to visit the funeral home’s website, where the message is not going to be deleted 30 days after it is posted. Instead, we intend to maintain memorial sites for many, many years.

www.wattsfuneralhomes.com

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Paying Tribute To The Heros



I met the most interesting group of men and women today the are called the Patriot Guard Riders. These men and women travel around the state of Florida honoring those in the military and civil service that have died. They stand at the entrance of the funeral home or church and post the colors of our country while the family enters and while the Tribute to life service is going on. This service is provide at no cost to any family who request them. The Patriot Guard Riders were present at a Tribute To Life Service we had today and it was really a nice touch. If you are interested in learning more about them go to their website.

www.patriotguard.org
Or give me a call at 386-328-1414

Friday, October 16, 2009

Traveling with Cremated Remains

Q: Next month, I'll be traveling to the Colorado Rockies, where I'll scatter my brother's ashes. He was cremated last year and is in an urn. Do I need special permission to carry his urn with me when I fly to Denver?


A: Dear Reader, you have my condolences in the passing of your brother. Making the effort to honor his wish to be scattered is a great way to honor his memory.


The Transportation Security Administration has a very helpful website that completely answers your questions regarding transporting cremated remains
http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/specialneeds/editorial_1296.shtm.


In short, yes, cremated remains can be a part of carry-on baggage. When traveling with the urn, you should be sure to have a copy of the burial transit permit issued by the local health department. Having this document will provide assurance to verify that you have cremated remains in your baggage.


Upon arriving at the security screening station, I recommend that you alert the screener that you are traveling with cremated remains. The screener will likely ask you to remove the urn from the baggage that you may be using to carry the urn, and place it in a TSA provided tote.


The TSA insists that the container holding the cremated remains be made of a material that can be scanned. Materials such as plastic, and thin wood are suitable for such scanning. Unfortunately, an urn made of any type of metal (including bronze, copper and carbon steel) marble, leaded glass, such as crystal, is not able to be scanned using the TSA's scanning technology.


If the urn cannot be scanned, it cannot be taken aboard an aircraft, and the TSA will not open the urn to inspect the contents.


If you have the cremated remains of your brother in an urn described above that cannot be scanned, I invite you to visit us at the funeral home. We partner with the TSA to assist families traveling with their cremated loved one by transferring the cremated remains into a container that can be scanned by TSA equipment.


There are inexpensive (under twenty dollars) shipping containers that are ideal for such a transfer. We'll even help you to locate a funeral home on the receiving side of your flight to transfer the cremated body back into your urn – at no cost.


This step may not be necessary for all families. However, we have served families that want to inter an urn in a cemetery in the urn they engraved when it was purchased.


Funeral homes across the country volunteer to partner with the TSA – in providing families less hassle when traveling with cremated remains. A list of TSA partnering funeral homes is available online at: www.tsa.gov


Once the urn has been scanned, the TSA screener will assist you in returning the urn to your carry-on baggage. Keep the permit with you, and travel safely. Be aware that once you are in your aircraft, you will be expected to keep the urn in your luggage. Such luggage must be kept in an overhead storage compartment, or beneath the seat in front of you. – I offer this tip because a family I once served wanted to purchase a ticket for the urn to fly beside them in a trip to the Caribbean.


I offered to occupy the seat, and personally tend to the urn, but they saw through my attempt to steal passage to a warmer place, and declined.


Finally reader, since you have indicated that you will be scattering your brother in the Colorado Rockies, it is best to ensure that you have permission of the landowner, or local governmental subdivision (county, park district, city etc.) before scattering the remains.


Because scattering cremated remains can be an unpleasant experience, I offer the following suggestions:


Be aware that cremated remains are of a very fine, granular, almost powdery, consistency. When scattering the remains, it is best done as close to the ground as possible – I recommend stooping below knee level, to scatter them directly on the ground.


Some families participate in opening the ground, by trenching for several yards, then scatter the cremated remains into the trench. Other family members may then participate in closing the trench.


If scattering from aboard a boat, do so from the rear of the vessel, working with the direction of the wind, not against it.


Open only a small portion of the container to scatter the remains. Doing so will provide the person scattering the remains greater ability in directing the cremated remains away from clothing, and onto the area designated for scattering.

This reader, and all who plan to one day fulfill the task a scattering cremated remains are welcome to call or write for more information.

Call Us At: 386-328-1414
Write To: Watts Funeral Homes
720 Hwy. 17, S. San Mateo, Fl. 32187

Visit us online at www.wattsfuneralhomes.com

Blog Kickoff

We understand that many people have questions related to funeral service that they are not able to get answered on most websites. We have created this "web log" (known around the world as a "blog") as a forum to share knowledge, and provide an opportunity to interact when visitors to the Watts Funeral Homes site who come with a question that is not otherwise answered within the content of the existing site. We've also heard from the families we serve who would like to share the stories and ponderings of the column with others. You have the opportunity to share your feedback regarding the columns in a live and interactive way. My hope is that meaningful discussion can manifest from such an opportunity.With such an opportunity - comes the favor I ask of readers... that you assist in policing such posts - and report any inappropriate comments as soon as possible. We'll work really hard to maintain a site that you'll be proud to share with family and friends. Your stewardship of such a site will be greatly appreciated.With that, we're off and running.

Beginning in one week, and throughout October, we will post some of the most commanly asked questions. Going forward, we'll blog with more regularity, and share thoughts and suggestions for readers to make the most of a once in a lifetime experience... creating an unforgettable farewell.

Bon Voyage!

Jamie Watts Managing Director

http://www.wattsfuneralhomes.com